Culture Crisis

Ever since I’ve been in Austria (which is, believe me, a very long time) I have been amazed at the amount of dialects the Austrians have and the differences between them. Just because you understand Viennese, doesn’t mean that you’ll do well with Tyrolean, for example, or Carinthian for that matter (just ask me).

I always thought to myself, “Well, these Austrians are a fine lot. They can’t get their language organized at all. It’s a wonder they understand each other, let alone how we foreigners cope.” English, of course, is easy.

We do have some dialects in English, naturally. But ours are easy to understand and use. For example:

Here a sample text in “normal” English:
Susan and John walked down the street hand in hand. They were planing a lovely evening together. First, they would dine at an expensive restaurant, and then they would take in a late movie. And after the movies, John was hoping to get the chance to pop the big question. Soon, if all went well, Susan would be his wife.

Here the same text in Red Neck:
Pansy an’ John-Boy walked down th’ street han’ in han’. They were planin’ a lovely evenin’ togither. Fust, they’d dine at an expensive restaurant, an’ then they’d take in a late movie. An’ af’er th’ movies, John-Boy was hopin’ t’git th’ chance t’pop th’ trimenjus quesshun. Soon, eff’n all went fine, Pansy’d be his wife.

Here the same text in Jive:
Susan and Raz’tus walked waaay down de street hand in hand. Dey wuz planin’ some lovely evenin’ togeder. Ah be baaad… Fust, dey would dine at an ‘espensive restaurant, and den dey would snatch in some late movie. And afta’ de movies, Raz’tus wuz hopin’ t’get da damn chance t’pop de big quesshun. Soon, if all went well, Susan would be his mama.

This time in Cockney:
Susan and John walked dahn the bleedin’ street ‘and in ‘and. They were planin’ a luvly evenin’ togeffer. First, they would dine at an expensive restaurant, right, and then they would take in a late movie. And after the movies, John were ‘opin’ ter get the chance ter pop the big question. Soon, right, if all went well, Susan would be ‘is ole lady.

How about Elmer Fudd English:
Susan and John wawked down the stweet hand in hand. Dey wewe pwaning a wovewy evening togethew. Fiwst, they wouwd dine at an expensive westauwant, and then they wouwd take in a wate movie. And aftew the movies, John was hoping to get the chance to pop the big qwestion, uh-hah-hah-hah. Soon, if aww went weww, Susan wouwd be his wife.

Or maybe pig latin (my personal favorite):
Usansay andyay Ohnjay alkedway ownday ethay eetstray andhay inyay andhay. Eythay ereway aningplay ayay ovelylay eveningyay ogethertay. Irstfay, eythay ouldway ineday atyay anyay expensiveyay estaurantray, andyay enthay eythay ouldway aketay inyay ayay atelay oviemay. Andyay afteryay ethay oviesmay, Ohnjay asway opinghay otay etgay ethay ancechay otay oppay ethay igbay uestionqay. Oonsay, ifyay allyay entway ellway, Usansay ouldway ebay ishay ifeway.

Does this look like fun?
Here’s a great page to turn all your documents, texts, emails, or whatever into pig latin, or red neck English, or any other wide-spread dialect.

It might help if you’re having trouble getting your co-workers (or children) to understand you. Maybe you’re just speaking the wrong language.

English dialects red neck english jive cockney elmer fudd pig latin

There are lots of posts going around right now concerning the word “Ami”.  Is it a derogatory term - when used to describe a US-American citizen? Here, and here, and here …

I don’t think it is just about the word “Ami”. What about the name “Kraut” for Germans, or “Jap” for Japanese, “Beaners” for Mexicans, or “Itaker” for Italians (used here in Austria), or many others (I can’t think of any more, or I could think of some that are used here in Austria, but I can’t spell them, so I won’t use them).

I honestly don’t think most people like to be referred to using a word denoting the country of their origin. I think their name is probably much nicer and more personal.  Using such words is always a tad derogatory. All of them call to mind the many stereotypes associated with each ethnic group or nationality and using them automatically propagates those beliefs (positive or negative) and increases racism.

Now I don’t really want to turn this into a post about racism (here an good post from Bettina about that subject) but the connection between such terms and racism is a quick one for me and in an international environment like we have now, perhaps it is wise to avoid emphasising racial, ethnic or national backgrounds and instead concentrate on the person.

What do you think?

ami kraut jap beaner racism derogatory ethnic racial background

Have you ever thought about why people immigrate? This question seems to keep lots of minds busy .

Why do some people leave the (relative) comfort *) of their home countries to a) go to cultures they don’t really understand to b) speak languages they don’t really understand to c) spend time with people who don’t really understand them.

It’s a good question, isn’t it.

It would be interesting to know some of the reasons. I’ll bet some of them are pretty strange.

*) Obviously others who immigrate had no comfort in their home countries and immigrated for exactly that reason

foreigners immigration foreign country

I don’t know if you speak German, but I do.
If you do too, you might like this blog. It’s kind of fun to read about crazy Americans as seen by crazy German speaking Europeans.

I like that sort of thing.

There’s a great post from the weekend about how German speaking Europeans are afraid of draughts  (drafts for those English speakers who only speak American). Isn’t it true? Have you ever tried to open a window in Austria? The first thing you hear is, “Mach zu, es zieht. Ich verkühle mich sonst.” 

Austrian Angst.

So anyway, in case you don’t know yet, I have a son. He goes to school here, and in Austria it’s customary for kids to wear house shoes during school (like Birkenstocks, for instance). I assume it’s an effort to keep the floors clean, in case anybody wants to eat their lunch off them.

At any rate, my son is good about taking his sneakers off, but not so good about the Birkenstock part. He runs around in his stocking feet, a fact that makes his teachers go wild.
Now do you think his teachers go wild because his socks are hard to wash (as in, they feel for me and my washing machine)?
Noooooooo, of course not. They’re wild because, “Du machst deine Nieren kaputt, wenn du bloßfüßig herum läufst” (You’ll ruin your kidneys running around in your stocking feet).

I never realized that kidneys and feet were so closely related.

Isn’t that weird. Isn’t that completely Austrian.
I mean honestly, where is the connection between the feet and the kidneys? Is that the same connection between the draught and the cold?

How about this one - “Wenn du kalte Getränke trinkst, bekommst du Halsweh.” (If you drink cold drinks, you’ll get a sore throat).
Do I have to mention how many Americans should be running around with sore throats? Have you ever ordered a Coke in America? Have you ever been served a tepid one?
I think drinking warm beverages does more for the green house effect than for the throat.

Here’s one of my absolute favorites - ”Sitz nicht auf dem Boden - oder auf Mauern - in Monaten, die mit “r” enden” (Don’t sit on the ground - or stone walls - during months ending in “r”).
If you do, you’ll get salpingitis (Eileiterentzündung). I had to look that one up in Leo, because I’ve never needed to refer to this condition in English, save ever having suffered it.

I guess Americans just have tougher fallopian tubes than the average German speaking European.

austrian angst draught cold drinks kidneys sore throat