Huh? Whaddja Say?

Ever since I’ve been in Austria (which is, believe me, a very long time) I have been amazed at the amount of dialects the Austrians have and the differences between them. Just because you understand Viennese, doesn’t mean that you’ll do well with Tyrolean, for example, or Carinthian for that matter (just ask me).

I always thought to myself, “Well, these Austrians are a fine lot. They can’t get their language organized at all. It’s a wonder they understand each other, let alone how we foreigners cope.” English, of course, is easy.

We do have some dialects in English, naturally. But ours are easy to understand and use. For example:

Here a sample text in “normal” English:
Susan and John walked down the street hand in hand. They were planing a lovely evening together. First, they would dine at an expensive restaurant, and then they would take in a late movie. And after the movies, John was hoping to get the chance to pop the big question. Soon, if all went well, Susan would be his wife.

Here the same text in Red Neck:
Pansy an’ John-Boy walked down th’ street han’ in han’. They were planin’ a lovely evenin’ togither. Fust, they’d dine at an expensive restaurant, an’ then they’d take in a late movie. An’ af’er th’ movies, John-Boy was hopin’ t’git th’ chance t’pop th’ trimenjus quesshun. Soon, eff’n all went fine, Pansy’d be his wife.

Here the same text in Jive:
Susan and Raz’tus walked waaay down de street hand in hand. Dey wuz planin’ some lovely evenin’ togeder. Ah be baaad… Fust, dey would dine at an ‘espensive restaurant, and den dey would snatch in some late movie. And afta’ de movies, Raz’tus wuz hopin’ t’get da damn chance t’pop de big quesshun. Soon, if all went well, Susan would be his mama.

This time in Cockney:
Susan and John walked dahn the bleedin’ street ‘and in ‘and. They were planin’ a luvly evenin’ togeffer. First, they would dine at an expensive restaurant, right, and then they would take in a late movie. And after the movies, John were ‘opin’ ter get the chance ter pop the big question. Soon, right, if all went well, Susan would be ‘is ole lady.

How about Elmer Fudd English:
Susan and John wawked down the stweet hand in hand. Dey wewe pwaning a wovewy evening togethew. Fiwst, they wouwd dine at an expensive westauwant, and then they wouwd take in a wate movie. And aftew the movies, John was hoping to get the chance to pop the big qwestion, uh-hah-hah-hah. Soon, if aww went weww, Susan wouwd be his wife.

Or maybe pig latin (my personal favorite):
Usansay andyay Ohnjay alkedway ownday ethay eetstray andhay inyay andhay. Eythay ereway aningplay ayay ovelylay eveningyay ogethertay. Irstfay, eythay ouldway ineday atyay anyay expensiveyay estaurantray, andyay enthay eythay ouldway aketay inyay ayay atelay oviemay. Andyay afteryay ethay oviesmay, Ohnjay asway opinghay otay etgay ethay ancechay otay oppay ethay igbay uestionqay. Oonsay, ifyay allyay entway ellway, Usansay ouldway ebay ishay ifeway.

Does this look like fun?
Here’s a great page to turn all your documents, texts, emails, or whatever into pig latin, or red neck English, or any other wide-spread dialect.

It might help if you’re having trouble getting your co-workers (or children) to understand you. Maybe you’re just speaking the wrong language.

English dialects red neck english jive cockney elmer fudd pig latin